Operation Epic Muck-up

April 25, 2026

In your first term as POTUS, withdraw from an agreement (the JCPOA) that took several years and the expertise of diplomatic negotiators from the world’s major powers to achieve. This agreement successfully prevented a dangerous, repressive, theocratic regime from developing nuclear weapons. However, it was accomplished by the administration of your chief adversary, so you cannot let it stand.

In your second term as POTUS, let yourself be persuaded by your good buddy—who needs to keep his country at war to keep himself out of court—that the regime is this close to having a nuclear weapon. To show the world what a formidable leader you are, bomb the regime’s nuclear facilities and proclaim that they have been completely obliterated. The accuracy of this proclamation will be questioned (with evidence), but stand firm.

Eight months later, let yourself again be persuaded by your good buddy, this time that you are under imminent threat by the regime, which happens to be your buddy’s mortal enemy, and which, in and of itself, was not an imminent threat under the aforementioned agreement, but became one only after you withdrew from said agreement, which the regime then deemed was no longer valid.

In partnership with your buddy, start a war with the regime. Watch as your buddy turns his attention almost immediately to a smaller enemy while you are stuck fighting the regime, which proves to be more wily and stubborn than you expected. They also appear have a deep bench: as soon as you knock out their leaders, replacements pop up. Soon you are mired in it because you vastly underestimated them. (Clearly you did not learn anything from your idol Putin’s experience in Ukraine.)

Claim that you have completely destroyed their military and you will soon have a peace deal. Send your son-in-law and your best business buddy to negotiate with the regime. The regime says, “Nope.”

Make all kinds of threats to scare the regime into capitulating (hey, it works with Congress). Notice that the regime is not shaking in their boots. Why? Because they have a nonmilitary weapon: they have closed the Strait of Hormuz. This causes major economic upheaval world wide, for which you are blamed.

Do the logical thing: set up a naval blockade to restrict the already-closed Strait. That’ll bring ’em to their knees. Or not. The Iranian consulate in Hyderabad, India, trolls you on X: “The Strait of Hormuz isn’t social media. If someone blocks you, you can’t just block them back.”

On Friday, April 24, announce that you are sending the dynamic duo back to Islamabad on Saturday to meet with the Iranian foreign minister. State that your Veep will be “standing by,” ready to travel if he is needed. The Iranian foreign minister does go to Islamabad, but meets only with the Pakistani mediators and says he has no intention of meeting with the Americans. He leaves Islamabad on Saturday evening and travels to Oman. Oops.

On Saturday morning, April 25, announce that your crack team of negotiators will not be traveling to Islamabad after all. Claim that the traveling is a waste of time and nobody knows who is in charge on the Iranian side anyway. Claim that you have all the cards and they have none.

Ignore the fact that they do hold a card, and it gives them the upper hand.


Sources:
https://apnews.com/article/us-iran-war-hormuz-israel-pakistan-ceasefire-april-24-2026-313e19ff213738620abe31c96eb38368

Update at 6:08 p.m. CDT: https://apnews.com/live/iran-war-israel-trump-04-24-2026

Update at 11:47 a.m. CDT: https://apnews.com/live/iran-war-israel-trump-04-25-2026

https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/strait-of-hormuz-isnt-social-media-iran-consulate-takes-swipe-at-us-11355410

https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/this-isn-t-social-media-iran-consulate-digs-us-over-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-101776159248800.html